An Interview with David Barr Kirtley

I first met Dave at the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy workshop in 1999. He was a fellow student and troublemaker, and his skill with a watergun was second to none.

Dave also had a knack for writing things that were 45 degrees off from a lot of other people I'd read, and so it was no surprise that he sold a few of the stories I got to read in first draft at Clarion. His story "The Black Bird," a riff on reality and The Maltese Falcon, shares the table of contents with my "Four Eyes" in New Voices in Science Fiction and is one of the stories I remember reading and enjoying 6 years ago at Clarion, and still enjoy. His story "Seven Brothers Cruel," which I read for the first time in Realms of Fantasy magazine, remains my favorite dark reinterpretation of a Grimm Brothers styled story yet.

So I thought I'd interview Dave for the newsletter and let you all get to know Dave a bit.

 
TB: Who is Dave Kirtley, really?

DK: I'd say I'm a nice guy with a not-so-nice imagination who loves strange stories more than anything.

TB: Why write? Videogames and TV are much more fun, isn't it?

DK: Well, personally, I sure don't think TV is more fun. If I watch several hours of TV, I feel dirty and depressed, and I get a splitting headache. Conversely, reading improves my mood. Only fiction is personal. Every reader becomes an active collaborator, and has a totally individual experience. Only fiction completely immerses you in the thoughts and voice of another character. Fiction comes the closest to presenting a singular artistic vision, with generally the fewest compromises made to commerce. Fiction also has an unlimited budget. I guess it's possible that someone may create a TV show with the scope and quality of George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, but I doubt it.

TB: Why genre?

DK: As a reader, what I love most about fantastic literature is how it makes the ordinary world a richer, more wondrous, more magical place. Every time I wander through a marshy forest, I think of Tolkien's Mirkwood. Every time I'm at a dock and I see steps leading down into the water, I think of Rebma in Zelazny's Nine Princes in Amber. Every time I see an unusually bright full moon, I think of Larry Niven's "Inconstant Moon." As a writer, what I love most about fantastic literature is that it places primacy on the things that makes fiction special -- creativity and imagination.

TB: If you had to do it all over again, what would you do?

DK: I don't know that I'd do anything differently. I think I'm new enough that I haven't really had time to screw up so far. At least, I hope not. If so, I haven't realized it yet.

TB: What warps your writing the most?

DK: I'm not sure I understand the question. I will say that the most warped thing I ever put in a story was I had a cat get crucified on stage as part of a lesson in black magic. Recently I went and spoke to a college class who'd read a few of my stories, including that one, and like the first eight questions were about the cat crucifixion. I guess it made an impression.

TB: Do you have a favorite place to write?

DK: I write in my room, in a big office chair, with my feet propped up and my laptop on my lap.

TB: What's the most challenging aspect of writing?

DK: For me, by far, it's coming up with good ideas. I know that most writers will tell you that ideas are easy, they're everywhere, all around you. I think this is just a natural reaction to the constant stream of bozos assaulting them with, "Hey man, I've got this great idea for a story. I'll sell it to you for $50,000." After a while, you're just conditioned to snap, "Look, ideas aren't that important." But if good ideas are so easy, then why does it seem that most stories I read are well-executed but ultimately forgettable because they're built around a nothing idea?

TB: What's the most whacked out thing said in a review of your work?

DK: Well, I had one review that said I'm not funny. Now that's just crazy talk.

TB: Okay, you're going to get marooned on an island by a bunch of angry editors, what one book do you take and why?

DK: The Great Book of Amber by Roger Zelazny. Technically that's ten books, but they are published in one volume. I love 'em all, even the bad ones. They're exciting, beautiful, hilarious, inventive, witty, and tragic all at the same time. I reread them every year, starting on April 30th (fans will recognize the date). Actually, being marooned on an island with only that book to read is kind of my dream in life.

TB: Is there a book or story you wish you could go back in time and kill the author of so you could submit their manuscript as your own?

DK: Well, I'd feel awfully proud of myself if I had written Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game. I don't know about going back in time and killing the author, though. The thing is, if I did that, then with everything I wrote after that, people would just be like, "Man, this guy used to be great but now he sucks. What a crushing disappointment, what a waste of all that potential." I'd just as soon avoid all that. Oh yeah, and killing is wrong.

TB: When I interview you again in 10 years, what will you hope to be talking to us about?

DK: In 10 years I hope to have heard back from certain magazines I've submitted stories to. No seriously, maybe I'll have a novel out.

TB: What are your current plans for literary world domination?

DK: I hope to publish another short story any year now.

TB: Last, but not least, if zombies were spreading throughout the land by infectious bite what would be your 5 point response?

DK: 1. Make careful field observations. What exactly are we dealing with here? Are these the walking dead or merely the infected living? Are these old-school shambling zombies, or newer-model dashing zombies? Most importantly, if you chop off their arm with a chainsaw, will the arm just lie there, or will it crawl along and try to strangle you? These small details matter.

2. Hide in the attic. Not, I repeat not, in the basement.

3. If the group of survivors contains some loudmouthed jerk, just shoot him now. If you don't, you'll only be sorry later, and he's going to die anyway.

4. Wrap your entire body in bite-proof bailing wire. Why does no one ever think of this?

5. We're going to the Winchester.